Asshole.
Yes, Asshole.
Complete fucking asshole. (quasipun realized a fraction of a second after I realized the thought, obviously)
As I know so many of you have, countless times over my own fifty years have I heard women say something akin to 'you men have it so easy, just whipping it out and going anywhere'. Yes, absolutely, no argument. We all know it has its merits. Whipitout and go virtually anywhere. And, of course, it is even fun...fun to play with, dink around with, hose things down with and the list of imaginative ideas is seemingly endless; unfortunately to the distress or even demise of some unsuspecting victim. Writing your name in the snow or other available medium that accepts a steady stream of urine. Hosing down virtually anything that is at a lower gravity state than the level of your member.
That's the upside.
So...of course, as there are so many ways to put it, there is always a dichotomic downside. A Yin to a Yang. A Dark to a Light. A Don to a Jimmy.
People also like to say males have two heads, two brains, and that some don't think with the correct one. Subject for another article, but I'll suffice it to say that this little fucker (again with the...yeah) has a mind of its own. Asshole. Dr. Dickyll and Mr. Fucking Asshole. Who'll happily fuck you in your hyde. Dunno wtf that thought was but I'll leave it.
Forget about the dangers of 'crossing the streams' as that might be 'bad'...(you'll have to forgive the inevitable pop-culture reference, though it makes me wonder how many drunk dudes who have seen that movie also crossed their own 'streams' in a gregarious display of comradeship)...what about splitting them? Involuntarily, and from the same source? Or worse?
Exactly. It is not all joyous entertainment, above and beyond the joy of basic pressure relief from the walls of your bladder and the organs and tissues around it.
*You know...it just occurred to me...I was daydreaming again about how 'if I were a billionaire' I'd be building, among many other things, a radically advanced Universarium (dunno what I'd name it...didn't Paul Allen's EMP get renamed recently?), where people stand among the galaxies. Instead of Bezos' fucking balls, a huge, many-more-faceted globe where people stand on a glass floor and our facet of the MultiVerse expands and contracts and floats around them. Think planetarium meets that excellent scene in Ridley's Prometheus. I was thinking of writing something about that when I looked at all the unpublished articles I had titles and notes for when, for some (dumb?) reason I saw this also-unfinished article and it got its hooks in me. Welcome to me. But I digress. This was inspiration for the subject in this little detour:
http://www.sdss3.org/press/movies/dr9miguel_1080.mov
Where the hell was I? I'm hungry. It is 1:19pm and I have not had anything but 1L of water. It is also, for those who care, 'Christmas Eve'. I am all about giving in a huge way, especially to those in need, but I prefer Solstice, personally.
Distracting hunger. BRB.
GodDAMMIT. Any other writers out there (of any sort...I am certainly not a writer...am I?) know they need to go do something else, take a quick glance back, and end up editing something previously written, only to...yeah. Standing up now. Thankfully I have to pee, too, and that comes with increasing urgency. I dare you to see how long you can put this off (DISCLAIMER: Don't. It might actually be hazardous to your health!) I didn't stand up now. See?! Fuck. BTW, my record for a sustained stream is, IIRC, about 84 seconds. Jackie even timed me once during an evening of drinking, hydrating, eating and other shenanigans we were famous for during that era. OK THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A WEEE WIZZ...fucking asshole.
Back. Whew. Of course I got to the pot and I am wearing 501s with a belt. Ever notice that when you really have to go, once you stand up from a seated position while having 'to go' for some amazing reason the gravitational pull on your bladder seems to triple, thus increasing urgency monumentally?
Fuck. The nee to pee erased hunger pang and now it is back tenfold. Can taste...ketones? My vision is blurring and can't thunk. But I rarely have the gumption/discipline to just sit down and fucking write...so I like to enjoy these times as often as possible. Speaking of possible, I'm im.
*Published incomplete by...request...? More soon...
©2020 Michael Pichahchy
